grace, from two angles.

This is a picture of Grace, my niece:



She's a very funny, silly little girl who can read at a 5th grade level and comprehend what she's read at a 2nd grade level. She's got an eye for photography; we think she may have a future as a paparazzo. The word "tushie" makes her laugh and laugh, and at my baby shower (pictures and comments to follow in a separate blog), she told fart jokes and insisted on eating the baby's butt from the cake. That's how I know Grace and I are truly related...we often bond over butt jokes.

We recently convinced her to stop calling the baby "Bobby Jo" and start calling her "Melissa." No one knows how, where, or why Grace decided the baby should be called Bobby Jo, but we learned long ago not to question Grace's many gifts, like the time she blurted--out of the blue, for no reason--that Grampa Bill (my dad who died 7 years ago) would be moving to Grammy and Harry's new house with them.

Grace can truly be a mystery.

Also, Grace's baby shower gifts were: butt wipes (of course) and a cute dog backpack/child leash. Because her little brother needs one of these, and so Melissa (and every baby, worldwide) should have one handy, too. Just in case.

If Grace were a mythological creature, she would be a woodland fairy sprite.

And here is a picture of Grace, the hard way:



That's my friend Val with her little girl and me (aaall 36 weeks of me, possibly 40/41 weeks if the medical community's technology is wrong) at my work baby shower. And NO, rude question askers. I am NOT having twins. And NO, rude question askers, I am not about to go into labor any second. I actually feel just fine. I mean, if your "Wow! You look like you could give birth any second! How are you feeling??" question is sincere, then sit down so I can tell you how my back is killing me, if I'm on my feet for more than 20 minutes. And sometimes my feet swell up to the size of small towns and I now have cankles for the first time in my life. And I'm really worried about losing the 50-60 lbs I've gained while pregnant. But for now, my water is intact, and I am not about to lie on the ground to give birth like a farm animal for your entertainment. Okay???

But I digress. Here's my second grace angle:

When I was going through my Who The Hell Am I and What Am I Doing?? period, I learned that Dorothy Gale from Kansas was right: If you ever go looking for your heart's desire, and you find that it's not already in your backyard, you probably never lost it to begin with.

And then at my baby shower, I got to see how my The Velveteen Rabbit Principle (TM) (because I'll sue if you use that somewhere and I don't get credit) should really be mass marketed: you CAN, in fact, make friends via a computer and--after a time--they will become Real. So don't throw them out, just because they got a little germy when you had the Chicken Pox. (Of course, none of my online friends are germy; here, I am referring to the boy's evil nanny who didn't get The Velveteen Rabbit Principle (TM).) (And out there in the great, wide world of the internet? There are a lot of evil nannies.)

I have learned other things along the way, too. Like:

--Priorities matter.

--Blessings come in all shapes and sizes. Helen Keller said that some of the most real things in the world are things you can't see. But Amy Samson says that when they come in the form of people, that's when they are viewable AND tangible.

--The world, in terms of politics and culture and religion, is a very Grey Area place. But in terms of people and relationships, I've come to feel it's actually quite black and white. Because there's a wrong way to do things, and a right way. And whichever way you choose to go, will always teach people how to treat you.

--And so I will live my life like Barack Obama said his mother suggested he live his. In every situation, ask yourself: "How would you feel if someone did or said that to you?" And then act accordingly. Even when upset. Especially when upset.

The world is a wild, beautiful, scary, lovely, dangerous, crazy, magical place. It's like Disneyworld--you simply can't do or see it all in two or three days. But some of the things I have already decided to share with my daughter about the world around her are:

Thin Mint Girl Scout cookie Dairy Queen blizzards can cure all kinds of things and you can totally get wet in an ocean without inviting sharks to get wet with you.

I will defy her father and show her the joys of sleeping in late on a Saturday morning. I will show her why the smell of bookstores and libraries are so calming and peaceful to the soul; and how the only way to get through a rainy, ugly day sometimes is to call in sick and stay home with a good book, under a blanket.

I will share all of Jesus' parables and his central party platform, The Beatitudes, with her because those came from the best parts of him. And then we will go ass crazy at Disneyworld and Epcot.

But also, later, we'll meditate in the mountains on a crisp fall day, or a warm spring one. Her father will also probably take that opportunity to try to teach her how to fish in the mountain lakes. And then I will make sure she knows that all living creatures feel pain, and so think really hard about how that hook would feel in YOUR cheek.

Charles will roll his eyes at this, and teach her about how her mother is too soft: fishing is a mind game between fish and fisherman/woman. It's about psyching the other one out. Because psyching the other party out is one of Melissa's father's many talents, and he feels it's good for street smarts, and part of earning street cred. He will teach her that a Harvard or a Princeton degree is an essential component to being a productive member of our family...but street smarts will get her foot in doors.

But most important, I will give Melissa my ratty old stuffed dog Luff Pup Pup, who has been with me through thick and thin since I was 3, and a copy of THE VELVETEEN RABBIT to teach her that the longer you love something, the more real it becomes; so keep things you love forever. And I will give her my DVD of THE WIZARD OF OZ so we can watch it together when she's old enough, because that's a really good way to learn we usually underestimate ourselves (the Scarecrow always had a brain, you know...he just didn't realize he had it) and that our dreams and desires are never really that far away from us in the end. Which means: they're inside of you...not in another country, not in someone else, and not beyond your reach.

And I will not protect her from all of the scrapes and bruises and really scary bad cuts that sometimes bleed on the inside that Life and its processes will inevitably bring her way--because I think we learn as much from hurts as we do from blessings. I'll trust the Universe that Melissa will figure this out at some point, too.

And when she has to choose a right way or a wrong way to do something, I won't tell her which way to go...I'll just ask her: "How would you feel if someone did that to you?"

Because that's basically what life really boils down to: Jesus knew it, Ghandi and Buddha knew it, Mother Teresa, Dr. King, and even Oprah Winfrey got it.

Okay. Maybe not Oprah 100% of the time, because she DOES sometimes appear to have a tiiiiny bit of a Jesus complex. And also, the Oprah's Favorite Giveaway shows are just gluttony at its most obnoxiousness. But if I include her in my People Who Got It list, maybe one of her reps will stumble upon this, I'll be published, and Oprah will ask me to be on her show. And then I'll get some CASH! I mean, I'll share my Oprah money with those in need...but I'm also going to take a really kick ass trip somewhere fabulous.

Because I would really like it if someone did that to me--gave me no-strings-attached cash for a kick ass, fabulous trip.