teacher tips.

Teacher Tip #358.5: When buying cute holiday stickers from non-school specific craft stores, always (always) carefully preview them to make sure there is nothing questionable amongst cute holiday stickers.

Apparently, somebody in Stickerland Corp. thinks beer is pretty dang cute, and that it should not only be green, but sparkly. This will attract small children to it better. The following is a true conversation that illustrates fairly well the importance of previewing cute stickers from unknown sources:

Student M: Hey Ms. S, is this root beer?

Me: Huh? Oh my! Uh, yes M. That IS root beer!

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Student M (3 minutes later): Do leprechauns love root beer?

Me: Oh yes, M. Leprechauns DO love root beer.

Student M: Cool! I love root beer too! I drink it all the time.

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Student M (on his way out the door): Do people from Ireland love root beer?

Me: M, people from Ireland SO love root beer. In fact, I think root beer is pretty much all that people from Ireland like to drink. If you ever visit Ireland, that’s the first thing you’ll need to do: go find a place that sells some really great Irish root beer. Ask around. The Irish people will tell you where to go.

Student M: I can’t WAIT to visit Ireland!

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I have a feeling M will fit right in, if he ever makes it to Ireland. Erin go bragh. But with some root beer.

Teacher Tip #360: Don't be afraid to illustrate when necessary, and embrace your hypocrisy.

This year, they told us we're now required to teach Ben Franklin to first graders. Ben Franklin gets to be on our 100 dollar bills because he was a smart man and told George Washington and John Adams exactly what he thought. But he also had a wandering eye and a lusty attitude. Plus, he was the original Jackass/Do Not Try This At Home guy because he liked to fly kites into electrical storms to see what crazy things would happen.

But he said some profound things, things all children still learning English should know. I'm glad the state of Georgia picked up on that before it was too late. And so we examined Ben's thoughts earlier this year. And I illustrated, for deeper effect:

Benjamin Franklin: American Wiseguy

Below is a picture of Ben's most famous thought. Still true, 300 years later. Also, did you know that Ben was, like, the first health nut? Yes--he told all those crazy colonials to 1) go to bed on time, 2) walk more and get fresh air, and 3) lift weights.




Also, the doctor has shark teeth because this is basically how I feel about doctor visits. And so I thought: why not? And so I did.


The following picture is something all first graders need to think about. Some of the adults I work with should be exposed to this concept too.



This one sums up my approach to life. I live this, daily. I AM Grease Lightning shirt kid.



I also have Grease Lightning shirt kid's problem with managing cash, too. Ben Franklin would be very frown-y with me if he knew.



The picture below is also me. My students didn't know this, but that's ME in the bed a few Saturdays ago. And that disgusted cat complaining about how filthy her litter box is? That cat is my cat, who still needs her litter box cleaned and her food freshened up. From like, 2 weeks ago.



If this were my actual reality, I'd be the worm. FYI.



Also, I'm the little kid in this picture. Practice? What's that? And for 5,000 hours?? When I've got TV shows to watch?



And so, all in all, you can see I take a fairly hypocritical approach to teaching. I'm very Rush Limbaugh in that respect. But unlike Rush Limbaugh, I hide it better because I refuse to flaunt it. Unless I'm blogging, of course.


Teacher tip #576.3: Stay away from green beer. And stickers that look like green beer. And leprechauns pushing green beer and stickers.

But you don't have to stay away from this leprechaun. Because he's cute and also my favorite Irish man:




Happy St. Patrick's Day.