china, the olympics, and children of the world.

On the one hand, China's Olympics Opening Ceremonies was all bad ass and cool. Much better than what Atlanta did in 1996 (what WAS that mascot supposed to be anyway?). On the other hand, it was hard to watch the Opening Ceremonies and not think about what really goes on behind the scenes in The Forbidden City.

Plus: The fireworks. China invented them, and so you just expect them to do something crazy, but in a really tasteful way. And I get the impression it's really important to China that the world not laugh at them.

Well, China, you did a fabulous job. Much better than my ex-neighbors B & K (who we still call the Clampetts) did that one 4th of July when K stood outside washing his truck (while wearing overalls, no shirt, and a very Deliverance-y type hat) and B decided to light an entire box of fireworks, but aim the whole thing towards her driveway. Where K was washing his truck. But also where D and I were sitting. And the garage door was wide open, providing the perfect spot for a wayward firework spark to burn down The Clampetts' homestead.

When the bombing (and screaming) stopped, the smoke hung in the air, and terrified old ladies stood in their doorways (curlers in hair, mumus hanging limply)? Very similar to what Baghdad must look like on any given evening. Also, since K had the water hose out already, he was able to hose down the garage and save their stuff. While screaming every cuss word ever invented by humanity and letting B know how much he hated her, he hated life with her, he wished she'd sit on a box of fireworks and light it and die. And, since K's voice was loud and carried, everybody in the neighborhood got to find out exactly how K felt as well.

That didn't happen at any point during the Opening Ceremonies in China for the XXIX Olympics. And that was good.

Minus: When Matt Laurer and whoever that other guy was who was with him (the only one who really matters is Matt Laurer) (mostly because, whenever I think of Matt, I think: The Hot Journalist) were commenting on some of the more...embarrassing?...parts of China's recent history, they used pretty words to soften not-very-pretty events. For example. Matt said, "...and of course, there was the Tiannamen Square incident..." How about massacre, Matt? Just call a spade a spade. They have pretty fireworks, gorgeous costumes, lovely music...on the other hand, they've been known to massacre people when people don't keep their mouths shut about stuff. I mean, to be fair, all governments do this to a certain extent. Like our government does it on smaller scales, and usually in far off places with odd names like Abu Gharib and Guantanamo Bay. And sometimes we waterboard people.

But you know, we had Jim Crow laws and Kent State in the 60s, where the government got a little too gung ho about things...so maybe Matt's actually right: Tiannamen Square will just be China's Kent State. We all have room to grow, I suppose.

Plus: Nobody got massacred during the Olympic Ceremonies in Beijing. That we know of.

Minus: That one part that was meant to reflect the growing concern about the world's environment where the Tai Chi masters did some karate around school children wearing backpacks sitting on the giant LED screen was weird. Matt said most Westerners would think that, but Asian people would see it differently. I think every single Tai Chi master in Asia was forced to perform in this part.

The reason this was sad to me was because I'd just watched an HBO special about the kidnapping of China's children, and how the government does very little about it. Probably because they're the reason China's children keep getting kidnapped: when you make a law that says "Only 1 kid per household, or you pay a fine you may not be able to pay since you only make $130 a year," and the culture is massively pro-boys in nature? You'll just naturally end up with all kinds of scumbags coming out of the woodwork to take advantage of the situation: selling babies (of both genders), sending small girls into predatory prostitution rings, encouraging starving families to psychologically traumatize their older children by getting rid of them for profit. It's like those scary versions of Grimm's Fairytales, but without the fairy godmothers to save anyone.

I think China wants everybody to think they protect their children...but we all know they don't. And just to be an unbiased reporter (unlike Matt Laurer and what's his name), neither does the US. Don't get me started on how overwhelmed, understaffed, and underpaid Georgia's child protective services are, and how we have our own version of child-selling scumbags stateside in the form of freakish pedophiles. Also, I just attended a information session by our school counselors, and they told us that 1 out of 6 children in America live with physical, sexual, or emotional abuse every day. That means, out of a class of 26, three or four children are living some kind of daily nightmare. They've been counseling for years and years, yet every year this number continues to shock them.

I once read an article about why some grown ups are so prone to abuse children and animals, and the bottom line was: Because they can. The other bottom line was that a sign of a truly advanced civilization is how well it protects its children, how humanely it treats its animals, and how respectful it is towards its old people. If that's the case, so many of our planet's countries have so, so far to go.


Plus: Those Tai Chi masters were way cool. The other performers (the drummers, the row boaters, etc) were way cool, too. But the Tai Chi masters were especially cool because my friend Carol just told me at lunch the other day that really, really enlightened Tai Chi masters just...PICK...the day they're going to die. According to Carol (according to Carol's enlightened sources), the human body is actually built to last 130 years. And so we actually do not die of old age; we die of other things--cancer, heart disease, other illnesses.

But Tai Chi masters! Tai Chi masters are beyond all that silly human illness crap. It's all about mind over matter. And taking good care of your holy temple. And so if YOU know a Tai Chi master? One day, you might open up your mailbox and get this type of invitation in the mail:

Dear Holy Friend, Tai Chi master Xi Chuang has decided the time has come to end his enlightened existence on this planet. You and a guest are cordially invited to help Master Xi Chuang say good-bye to it all this coming Saturday, May 16, 2009, at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Refreshments will be served. Regrets Only.

And then you go. I guess you sit around and sip tea while meditating on Xi Chuang's good deeds, wishing him an easy transition toward the light, while Xi Chuang does some deep breathing techniques and focuses on convincing his body to let go of his soul.

I would have to RSVP "no" to one of these. Because I'm a total Westerner and simply don't do death well. I would end up in tears, begging Xi Chuang to please! please, stick around...just for another decade, okay? Okay, Xi Chaung?! I'd totally mess up Xi Chuang's good death chi he had going on, and everybody would get mad at me. I'd probably have tea thrown on my head.

But I still think it's cool that Tai Chi masters can pick their own Deathdays. Since we usually don't get to pick our birthdays.


Minus: When the kids brought the Chinese flag out and gave it to the soldiers. Matt goes: "This may look odd to Westerners, but it's really China's way of making a very important note about how the State will protect its children and provide what they need."

Which I thought was odd...going back to the whole kidnapping thing China's dealing with. And the fact that lots of Chinese people exist on $130 a year.

But mostly I thought about what Mohatma Ghandi's son once said (and he was talking to ALL the nations of the world on this one), about how many of us seem to put all of our trust in our governments and our weapons. But who will we trust the day our government is no longer there for us? And what will save us when our weapons are all gone, or are no longer effective?

Most very bad people (who are usually men, but that's beside the point) who are killing their fellow countrymen and/or people in lands they'd like some power over, most very bad people who act all big and bad ass do seem to rely on guns and weapons an awful lot. Mostly I think because, people who are truly big and bad ass don't actually need guns and weapons to get people to do what they want. Jesus didn't. Neither did Buddha. Or Ghandi. Or Dr. King. Or even Mother Teresa. No, those guys had lots of followers because they spoke to the goodness in each of us; their souls touched ours. Love was all around. When people feel loved and safe, they let go of their fear and they'll pretty much bend over backwards for you. At least that's what I find happens with children.

No gun has ever made anyone WANT to do anything. I mean, if you point it at them and scare the crap out of them, they do whatever you want. Usually. But they don't WANT to. And that's a sign of a Bad Leader. (Well, that, and looking like a goober at the Olympics Opening Ceremonies in China, periodically checking your watch and then standing around with a goofy look on your face when your country's team goes past...GEORGE). Bad Leaders usually get made fun of behind closed doors.

And on blogs written by obscure people from Atlanta, Georgia, USA.

Plus: the parade of nations. I love these. Because you get to see other people's flags, and also other countries' versions of What's Cool Fashion. Like Hungary. I'm not sure who did Hungary's parade clothes, but the women's dresses reminded me of that one scene in GONE WITH THE WIND when Scarlett O'Hara makes a dress out of some curtains. Except Scarlett's curtains were plain, simple, green velvet. Hungary's curtains were crazy psychedelic red roses. Which could have been cool...had it not been for those unfortunate hats.

Charles woke up in the middle and was all confused, because the nations weren't coming in ABC order. I told him what Matt Laurer told everybody: China doesn't have ABC's, because China doesn't speak English or a Latin-based language. They speak in symbols. He thought that was messed up.

"It's China's gig, man," I said, "They get to do it how THEY want."

And he said I was right. Which always makes me feel overjoyed, when Charles tells me I'm right. Also, I think I won an argument last night without actually having to get into one. Thanks, China!

Double Plus:

China's international parade made me think about all of the international children I've gotten to love and work with over the years. Some of my favorites were:

1-J, from Haiti. J only spoke French when he got here. J's dad thought he should speak English like a native within 2 months, even after I explained it takes most people about 1-2 years just to learn basic, functional skills in a new language. But it only took J 6 months. And, while I wouldn't classify J's English after 6 months as "native," I would classify J's English pickup skills as nothing short of fabulously magic. Probably because J's dad actually worked with him at home, and that made it important to J.

Also, J was a funster. He was the cutest little boy I've ever worked with, and he got in trouble all the time because he was a total boy. But he had dimples and a funny laugh, and so I could never really be mad at him. I hope J runs for some kind of presidential office one day, because I think he'd make a cute world leader. And he's smart.

2-C, from Romania. Even J's dad would have been astounded. C came one October, shaking and crying, terrified of all the new stuff in America and completely baffled by what goes on in American schools each day. Also she dressed like Heidi, from the Swiss Alps.

But by the end of December, C was speaking incredible English. Broken and struggling for words English, but incredible nonetheless. I've worked with English language learners my entire teaching career, and I've never seen anything like this. Also, C had big blue eyes and--once she got over her initial terror--a good sense of humor. She liked to make fun of the boys, and that's what I call: a good sense of humor. Also, she stopped dressing like Heidi from Switzerland and started wearing clothes from The Gap.

It's just what we do to you when you move to America: make you speak with some kind of American dialect...and then send you straight to the mall.

3-F, from Mexico. I hope F goes into some kind of compassion-based profession when she grows up. If anyone was hurt, sad, or upset in any other kind of way, F was right there with a tissue or a hug or a shoulder rub. When I came back to work after my dad died, F brought me a plant in a white pot with an angel on it. "Because," she said, "your papi is an angel in heaven now, and so when you look at this you'll know he loves you and is keeping you safe." I still have F's angel pot--it's on top of some of my kitchen cupboards.

And I have a new one! A, from Nicaragua, who I worked with last year. At "Meet Your Teacher" Day last Thursday, A ran up to me all excited: "Is it a girl or a boy? Is it a girl or a boy?!" she asked.

"It's a girl," I said, "And we're calling her Melissa."

"Ooooh!" said A, and she patted my stomach. "Ms. Samson, she's soooo PRETTY!"

Kids are fun like that. So are Tai Chi masters.